This is going to be a different type of blog, more ‘cribbed note’ version of a book I just finished. I have to give credit for this idea to my pal Karri Shalosky, a student at MSU. I offered to loan this short read to her yesterday. Knowing that classes just started I thought she may not have the time to cram this bad boy into her schedule, but she sent me a not back and asked for the ‘Tom cribbed version’.
Once I thought about it, and reflected on how much I enjoyed Roy Spence’s book I felt compelled to share.
An in depth review of sorts, I really do hope that in reading the Karri ‘cribbed’ version you feel compelled to read the whole book because it rocks.
So here you go everyone, longer than usual, but full of great pearls of wisdom, please consider buying this book, I highly recommend it!
Notes from ‘The 10 Essential Hugs of Life’ by Roy Spence
“Every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.” Maya Angelou
The story of hugs- Hugs lift people up, heal hurts, and spread love.
Genuine hugs give people freedom to be audaciously caring. They are an act of pure human love, and they give people new ways to build bridges, heal hurts, and put a little joy in the lives of those we touch. No one should go hugless. Hugs are free. And best of all: when you hug, you get hugged back.
Be kind to everyone you meet, because everyone is fighting some kind of battle.
If anything matters everything matters. Because you are important, everything you do is important. Every time you forgive, the universe changes; every time you reach out and touch a heart or a life, the world changes; with every kindness and service, seen or unseen, my purposes are accomplished and nothing will be the same again.
The purpose of hugs- As a wise person once wrote, hugs are the universal medicine.
“I love hugging. I wish I was an octopus, so I could hug ten people at a time.” Drew Barrymore
When you go on a journey of hugs, you find so much richness in the language they represent. A hug says, without a word, that you are special and important, that I have been thinking about or worried about or missing you, and that everything-if just for a moment- is okay in the world.
“Hug, don’t linger.” Colleen Barrett, retired president of Southwest Airlines
The ways to hug- Some of the most important hugs don’t involve touching at all.
Whatever kind of hug you give, know that a hug says things you do not have the words to express.
The Heart Hug– A Heart Hug gives the good in your life a heartbeat.
Grab onto the moments of goodness with all your heart and hug them tight.
The Touch Hug– Every time you reach out to touch a heart or a life, a life changes.
When you change someone’s life for the better, yours is changed, too.
The Bear Hug– The mother of all the hugs- the loving hug
The Bear Hug does not depend on physical strength, but rather the genuine and authentic strength of love.
Hug #1- Hug Yourself first- When you hug yourself, it frees you to hug others.
- “Don’t forget to love yourself.” Soren Kierkegarrd
- So many of us are taught at an early age to “love your neighbor as yourself.” I try to live according to that principle. But in order to love your neighbor as yourself, you have to love yourself first-not worshiping yourself- is the only way you can love others. So first, hug yourself.
- What is it you miss about yourself?
- If you do not hug yourself first, there is no way in the world you can hug everybody else.
Hug #2- Hug Your Faith- Your faith grows stronger knowing you have faith.
- “All I have ever seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
- When you reach higher ground, you will find that fences are mended, barns are raised, disputes are resolved, and solutions are created- all for the purpose of serving the greater good. Have faith in goodness. For God is good.
- Faith in goodness is what unites us.
- What I learned is that we become what we look for. Look for good, and you will become good, seek goodness in the world, and you will be a force of good in the world.
- If you look for hope, it will lead you to higher ground.
- Don’t be afraid to hug what you believe in.
- Robert Frost was right- there are two roads in in the wood: Road number 1- If you look for enemies, you will find them. If you look for hate, it will bring you down and break your heart. If you seek gossip, it will consume you. If you look for fear, it will follow your life. Road number 2- If you look for friends, you will befriended. If you look for love, it will live in your heart and lift you up. If you seek the truth, it will set you free. If you look for hope, it will lead you to higher ground.
Hug #3- Hug Your Family- Yes, all of them.
- “Smile at each other, smile at your wife, smile at your husband, smile at your children, smile at each other- it doesn’t matter who it is- and that will help you to grow up in greater love for each other.” Mother Teresa
- Family members- hate ‘em or hug ‘em. I say go for the hug.
- You don’t have to like them all; you simply have to hug them all.
- “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” George Burns
Hug #4- Hug Your Friends- Many times they need it and don’t even know it.
- “The only way to have a friend is to be one.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
- Everybody wants to be a friend but many don’t want to deal with the ‘ship’. But friendship-in good times and bad-is the stuff of a life well spent. So hug your friends- just because
- They might be fighting a battle and really need it, whether you know it or not. They need your love.
- They are special to you, and everyone needs to be important to somebody.
- It will bring you closer, it will make you feel better, and it will make them feel better. You have the power to touch their lives.
- “Wishing to be friends is quick, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit.” Aristotle
- Hugging is the great accelerator of closeness.
- Hug your friends. Your old ones. Your new ones. Your lost ones. Because friends are what make the world go round.
Hug #5- Hug Your Flag- All of us come from somewhere and have, at the least, someone.
- “I’d rather be on my farm than be emperor of the world.” George Washington
- Hugging your flag isn’t simply about being patriotic; it is about being thankful for the goodness in your community.
- Acknowledge that you were blessed,,, and find a way to pass that blessing on.
Hug #6- Hug Your Failures- You can own them or they can own you
- “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” Helen Keller
- There is a huge difference between failing and coming up short. Coming up short is simply playing all out and not winning. Failing is a violation of character. Don’t confuse the two.
- Fess up when you mess up.
- Try to live in truth. If you don’t hug your failures, they’ll haunt you and cast a sea of darkness on your future.
Hug #7- Hug Your Fears- Fears have fears, too.
- “Everything will be okay in the end; if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” Anonymous
- Fear loves the darkness. It fears being exposed. It would rather haunt and bully you from the shadows of your mind, heart and soul. Hug your fears, shine a light on them, and bring light to the darkness.
- If we don’t hug our fears, if we don’t embrace them as a part of who we are, they will haunt us.
- Ask yourself. Why am I afraid of that? Get past the surface, the symptom, to discover the deeper fear, Get it out. Say it out loud.
Hug #8- Hug Your Future- Never, never give up on your dream.
- “Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
- If you can dream it, you can build it.
- Your future is your heart and mind; it is your passion; it is what you love to do; it is your dream. Most importantly, it is your purpose in life.
- If you want to take that first step in discovering your purpose, write down what you love to do.
- The only way the world can take away your future, take away your dreams, is if you choose to let those things go.
- “Where talents and the needs of the world cross, therein lies your vocation.” Aristotle
- If you do what you love, you will never have a job. You will simply have work to do. Work that you love, that you master, and that therefore improves other people’s lives and your life, too. You will burn out trying to be average at what you’re bad at.
- Because doing what you love to do is the stuff that dreams are made of.
Hug #9- Hug Your Firsts- And keep doing new stuff everyday.
- “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you did’nt do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” Mark Twain
- Instead of making New Year’s resolutions that are mostly punitive, make a new bucket list every year- new things to explore and try. Trust me, you are more likely to actually do new and exciting things than accomplish a list of don’ts.
- If you can’t remember the alst time you felt the thrill of trying something new, you’re in a rut.
Hug #10- Hug Your Finals- Hug your finals and new doors will open.
- “What appears to be the end may really be a new beginning.” Unknown
- Until my dad passed away, I did not know that when one really hugs a final moment, that hug opens up a world of brand-new firsts.
- “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which opened for us.” Helen Keller
- Every first begins with a final.
- As long as you are living, the only door that never closes is the door to your future.
Roy Spence grew up in Brownwood, Texas and today is chairman and cofounder of GSD&M. The agency has helped grow some of the world’s most successful brands and has made a difference in communities around the country and the world. Roy is author or coauthor ‘The Amazing Fate of Texas’, ‘It’s Not What you Sell, It’s What You Stand For’, and ‘Don’t Mess With Texas.’ He is also cofounder and CEO of the ‘Purpose Institute’, helping companies discover their purpose. He is the proud father of three kids, and lives in Austin, Texas, with his wife, Mary.
Thank you Mr. Spence for writing this book, it was great!